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   The world, I think, is divided into two groups.... (October 20, 1996)

The world, I think, is divided into two groups: those to go for dandiya ras and those who do not. And among those who do not. And among those who do not, there are two groups: those who do not mind others dancing and playing loud music through the night (after all, it is only for nine nights) and those who ring up the local police station at 11.31 p.m. every night.

There are other division: those who eat meat and those who are vegetarians. There are those who eat meat and those who are vegetarians. There are those who eat meat, but not beef and pork, and those who eat beef but not pork. I have never understood this group, either you do not kill any animals, because you are a kind and gentle soul, or you kill all animals and cook them and eat them, because you are practical. Then there are those who eat all vegetables, and those who eat only those vegetables that grow on the surface. Now garlic, please, we are Janis.

There are those who travel Indian Airlines economy class and those who travel business class, though the food served is the same oily medhu vadas and lumpy omeletstes, and the stewardesses are equally attractive or unattractive in both classes, and often less attractive in the higher class because the personnel is senior and consequently more elder.

There are tea drinkers and coffee drinkers, whisky drinkers and rum drinkers (Ramesh Sattawalla is a rum drinker), those who have their drinks with soda and those with water, with ice and without ice.

There are people who swear by China Garden and people who swear by Golden Dragon, I swear by both, people who want to burn down Husain's paintings and people who would buy the burnt paintings also (at a discount), people who like Aishwarya Rai and people who like Sushmita Sen (I like both).

The world is divided into two: friends of Bill Clinton and friends of Sadam Hussein, for the BJP and for the Congress, or whatever has replaces the Congress, those who think we are having too many holidays and those who think every time a minister dies a holiday should be declared (to celebrated, not mourn), those who make money and those who do not.

Those who want Sonia Gandhi to return to politics and those who say god riddance to the Gandhis. I am with the second group, though I would not mind Maneka Gandhi returning, she is only Gandhis who counts. Those who would not mind spending Rs. 15,000 to watch Michael Jackson and those who would rather give that amount to charity, though they would not. Those who want the courts to be more active and those who do not. Will all those who are against judicial activism please stand up and be counted.

The entire world is divided into two groups. Those for and those against. And if you are a neutral, you don't count. You get neither Aishwarya Rai nor Sushmita Sen.

 
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