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   According to a report, Indian Railways are installing telephones in train compartments for the convenience of passengers. (May 3, 1994)

I visualise the following situation:

"Hello, hello, Dadar-Madras Express, I want to talk

to Govindrao."

"Wrong number."

"Hello, hello, don't disconnect. What do you mean wrong number? Is this Dadar-Madras Express? I want to talk to Govindrao Tulzapurkar."

"This is Vadodara Passenger. Wrong number."

"Hello, who is speaking, please?"

"Who is speaking?"

"Hello, this is Dhirubhai calling from Balsad Fast Passenger. I want to talk to Govindrao, it is

very urgent."

"Hold on. I will ask the ticket inspector if there is a Govindrao on train."

"Hello, I cannot hold on, this is an STD call. I will call back after ten miles. Please see that Govindrao is

at the telephone."

Ten miles later, Ring... ring.

"Hello, is this Dadar-Madras Express?"

"This is Calcutta Mail via Allahabad. Why don't you dial correctly?"

"I did. Are you Govindrao?"

"I am Subroto Bhattacharya. Check your number before dialing. You are disturbing me, I am reading Rabindranath Tagore."

"Hello, will you two please get off the line?"

"You get off the line. Who are you?"

"Never mind who I am. I was speaking to my friend on the Guwahati Janata Express, when you came on the line. You get off the line."

"Why don't you get off the line and dial again? In any case, you have got the wrong number."

"I can't dial again till this telephone hog on the Guwahati Janata Express disconnects."

"Mister, who are you calling names! And I am not on Guwahati Janata Express, my friend is. I am on Rajdhani, passing through Mathura."

"Hello, are you Flying Rani?"

"Your mother and sister are Flying Rani! Who are you calling Flying Rani?"

"I think there is another cross-connection. Why don't we all disconnect. I want to call my wife at our residence in Chitraranjan Avenue and then continue to read Rabindranath Tagore."

"You already said so. Can you please call Govindrao Tulzapurkar from the Dadar-Madras Express."

"I have nobody to send to the Dadar-Madras Express. You dial again and get your number."

"I can't keep dialing again and again. The railway does not give me the phone free."

"Hello, Flying Rani."

"If I am Flying Rani, you are Deccan Queen!"

"There is some confusion. I am not Deccan queen, I am August Kranti Express, I want Flying Rani."

"Pull chain to stop train. Penalty for unlawful use,

Rs. 500."

"What was that?"

"That was a railway commercial. It is a recording and it comes in the middle of a telephone conversation."

"Are you still on the line? I thought I told you to hang up."

"Who did you tell to hang up, me or the commercial?"

"Hello, hello, is Govindrao Tulzapurkar on any of the lines?"

"Hello, this is the operator at the telephone exchange at Victoria Terminus. Will you please disengage the lines. The honourable railway minister, wants to make a call."

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