I was trying to explain to the wife the intricacies of world cup football.
"If Italy beats Argentina, then Bulgaria will be knocked out of the second round. But Bulgaria will have to draw with South Korea. However, as USSR has already beaten Hun gary, the relative positions of France and Canada should provide an intriguing aspect."
The wife asked: "What about your Kapil Dev?"
"He does not enter into the picture, and, besides, he is not my Kapil Dev," I said. Now, pay attention, Denmark has beaten Scotland, which leaves the third position to be fought out between Uruguay, West Germany and Scotland, unless Denmark loses to West Germany and Uruguay draws all its games."
The wife asked: "Is Vengasarkar's third century at Lord's really such a great event or only you think so?"
"Everybody thinks so, but we are not talking about cricket at the moment," I said. "To continue; "With Iraq and Belgium in its group, Mexico should make it to the next round, but a draw with Paraguay could force Belgium into the reckoning and push Mexico into the second place. This, of course, means that it may have to play Argentina or USSR at a later stage, all depending on the USSR France tie."
The wife asked: "You think Gavaskar is upset he did not get his century?"
"Anybody would be upset, but that is neither here nor there," I said. "Now do pay attention, I will not be able to repeat all this. Northern Ireland and Algeria will have to fight out for the third place, though between themselves they have already played a draw. Spain thus automatically qualifying to play Uruguay, unless Brazil wins all the games in its group, thus placing Algeria above Spain. Then Algeria could play France."
The wife said: "What about England winning?"
"England's peformance has been most disappointing. Apart from its captain being unfit, the match between Poland and Portugal has pushed England further down and a lot depends on whether Morocco and then beat Portugal to a draw and then beat Poland. In those circumstances, England further down and a lot depends on whether Morocco is able to hold Portutal to a draw ant then beat Poland. In those circumstances, England may get the third position, thus leading to a match with West Germany. On the other hand, if Germany will automatically finist second and play Poland."
The wife asked: "Who is India going to play besides England?"
"India is not playing anybody," I said. "This is World Cup Football and India is not in the tournament."
"If India is not playing, then why are you sitting up all night and making all these calculations?" the wife asked.